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Sis, I found out relationships were tough at a young age. A very young age. Dear future daughter, chill. It’s gonna be Jesus and you forever. Pondering on the next relationship, God led me straight to Steve. You see Matt was good, but he was just a boy. Steve was a man. Sis, I straight up was a 10 year old girl in love with a 22 year old young man. Steve was everything. I told you I invested quickly. Everything about him made me smile. I think every guy I dated as a young woman knew about Steve. Matter of fact, I told my husband, “my next guy is Steve,” and he immediately rolled his eyes. Haha. He impacted my life greatly.

I met Steve in California. Did I  mention he was my cousin’s boyfriend? No. Well not relevant according to 10 year old Brittany. My cousin introduced me to him and clearly can’t remember how it all happened, but I knew I was in love. Like what did I need to do to make him mine? One day my cousin asked me if I wanted to go to the zoo with her and Steve. Duh! He makes my heart skip a beat, why wouldn’t I want to go see lions, tigers, and bears with him. We go to the zoo and sis she is ALL over him. Straight mean mugging her. I remember jealousy overtaking me. I saw them holding hands. Laughing. Her leaning up against his shoulder. I remember her looking back and saying, “Brittany, you ok?” ( LIKE NAH GIRL, YOU ALL ON MY MAN) We got into the car and boy I was so done. She told me in a loving way, that Steve was too old for me and that was her boyfriend. To not be upset. Needless to say, it didn’t help. Until Steve turned from the drivers seat and looked me in my eyes. He asked, “what can I do to make you smile?” Instantly my heart revived. His attention was on me. He turned on the radio and played “I’ll be” by Edwin McCain. ( please play song immediately following reading) Steve was a drummer so I remember him pretending to play the drums on the steering wheel and singing to me. Reason number 28629 I loved him. Till this day, every time I hear that song my teeth show and I remember Steve.

I left California, but never forgot Steve. We eventually went back and this time I was making Steve mine. He didn’t really come around much. I mean my cousin probably thought I was psycho so she kept him at a distance. Don’t blame her. My cousin was having a graduation party and I knew Steve would be there. I just knew it. Earlier in the day I copped attitude with my mom and she said, “Go take a nap.” HAHA. I can’t. Well, turns out the nap was a long one and I wake up with 1. lines on my face. 2. drool on my cheek 3. my hair is in every direction possible. 4. I’M MISSING THE PARTY STEVE IS AT! I’m walking toward the back door, rubbing my eyes, trying to get myself together, and all of the sudden I hear, “Brittany!” I look up from rubbing my eyes and guess who it is? Steve. I’m like are you kidding me!

Take a breath. Get your tissues. That encounter would be the last time I would ever hug Steve.  I wish I could say I made these up, but sis these stories are 100% true. It’s challenging to go back to 10 year old Britt mentality, but I can assume it looked like 15,16,17, etc. year old Britt. The pattern of thinking didn’t change. If anything it got worse.

I longed for Steve to tell me we belonged together. I find we often go after what we know we shouldn’t. I find we often begin liking someone, because we see them with someone else. I find we often hang on to someone, because we simply don’t want to see them with someone else. Been there , but I got your back and so does the Father.God has something great for you sis and it’s JUST FOR YOU. Sometimes He will end things, because they are just no good for you. God sees past the ugly, moves past jealousy, and makes everything beautiful in its time. God is your biggest fan sis.

Love,

His Beloved

 

 

1 Comment

  1. Beautifully written! I also didn’t need to listen to the song, because I started singing it in my head as soon as I read the title. Lol. Your words are absolutely true. As humans, we have a tendency to pursue the things we know we cannot have. It creates an enticing atmosphere that our brains are wired to go after! The difficult part is making the right choice to pursue what is meant for us and what is right. I’m glad you got over your young love. 😉 I was also totally in love with my brother’s best friend when I was young. He was 10 years older than me and could not care less about me at all. As an adult, it’s interesting to look back on things remembered from childhood and consider what mindset you must have had at the time. Much love!

    Like

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