Sis, if I could describe my dating life in middle school it would look something like an Oprah show. “You get to date me, You get to date me, You get to date me, YOU ALL GET TO DATE ME!!” Instead of handing out free cars, I gladly passed my heart around. When I got to middle school my whole world changed. I attended a private school and there were maybe 10 students in my class. I don’t remember what the first day was like, but clearly by the pictures I have I was only interested in one thing…boys.
Can I be honest? I dated 4 guys in my homeroom class. Now in your head you maybe saying, “sis, that’s not that many boys.” BUT THERE WERE ONLY 5 BOYS IN THE CLASS! Like what was I doing serving myself on a buffet platter? One thing comes to mind when I think about middle school. ” What do you want, Brittany?” And by the look on the face of the guy I’m standing with, it is clear I had no idea. I wanted love. Does that count?
I wish I had some funny story for you sis, but today it’s just my heart. In previous stories, I was rejected and told no. But there’s something about being noticed. When I got to middle school, I was noticed. Boys noticed me for the first time. Being noticed brought about a feeling of power. Not like I’m going to overtake the world power, but I could get anyone I wanted power. The problem with is I was building unhealthy relationships which would follow me years later. It’s crazy to go back and try to jump in the brain of middle school Brittany, but it reminds me of when I told this guy I liked him so he could keep me company by texting him all the time and another guy taking me on dates buying me a free meal. This was me. Middle school Brittany was high school Brittany. Middle school Brittany was college Brittany. Middle school Brittany was adult Brittany. I was always dancing with way too many people, but I didn’t know what I wanted. Partially because I didn’t know who I was, but another part of me had no clue what I was looking for in a man. I never stopped to ask myself, what I wanted. I went to him, him, and him, and when one didn’t work I had a back up. Sis, I’m not even sure this blog was meant to be funny, because as I’m writing this I’m telling the Father, “this is where it all started.”
Sis. Know who you are. Know what you want. Take time to dance with the Father. Let Him lead you in the right direction. If you keep passing your heart around, you will only find emptiness and heartache. I look at these photos and the space between us(which is so much, good Lord) and I shake my head and say, “I wasn’t ready.” My body language showed I wasn’t ready for love, but my little heart longed for it. I find when we don’t know what we want we try on different clothes(guys) until we find it, and we get exhausted through the process. Sis, what if I told you there is already a dress picked out and it fits just right? What if I said there is someone who made it just for you? What if I told you the designer wants to meet you? Sis, God knows what He wants and it’s you. I often say it’s when I stopped loving love and fell in love with the Father that I found me and true love. Sis, write down what you want. Make it plain. Surrender love to the Father.
WATCH HIM WORK.