JLo was not accurate when she said love don’t cost a thing. Uh yeah JLo it does. With my track record it surely cost me my time, effort, money, heart, pride, integrity, friendship, trust, and happiness. Sis. If I took you through every relationship I had in high school, we’d be here for like ever. I will open up about a few, but all that extraness(I know this is not a word, but stick with me) I’ll leave that between me and the good Lord.
Before I started pealing back the onion of high school love, I want to set a good foundation for where my mind was at. Sis, I’ve made it very clear love was about the only thing on my agenda. There was only one problem going into high school. I had a mother whom without hesitation made it VERY clear I was to NOT have a boyfriend at any point during these 4 years of school. Did I also mention I had a brother who was a senior when I was a freshman? Well, he was on that train as well. SMH. Are you kidding me? Like I’m not ugly, at least one person is going to like me. What did she want me to do when a guy asked me for my phone number? Of course she said, “well tell them no.” Like no mom, saying no is strictly for the birds when it comes to love. So I created, “let’s date in secret.” So childish. LOL. But I was left with no choice sis. I wanted what I wanted and lying to get it was the only option.
There was only one boyfriend I didn’t lie about, well I got caught. What’s done in the dark WILL ALWAYS BE BROUGHT TO THE LIGHT. It’s really only a matter of time. Like for example, I talked to this guy in high school and we kissed in the hallway. Well that guy talked. The person he told went and told my brother’s girlfriend at the time and then I got in trouble. LIKE WHY WAS THIS MY LIFE? Ps. secrets are your worst enemy.
Sis, I’m not even sure what I was really trying to get out of these secret relationships, but I remember how much fun it was to have guys like me. Home girl really thought she was cute. I love being honest with you sis and that’s what motivates me to write. To be honest about a young girl who kept everything a secret and it was all for love.
Remember when I asked you what you wanted? In high school, I wanted affection. Now don’t go all cochina brain on me. But in all seriousness, your girl just wanted a hug. I wanted someone to hold my hand and be proud to walk with me down the hallway. I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to talk to guys on the phone. ( my mom checked the phone bill too, LAWD JESUS!) I wanted to see that guy outside my classroom telling me to tell the teacher I had to go to the restroom just so I could spend time with him in the hallways. I wanted him to be proud of me as we watched me play sports.
High school was the first place I experienced the thrill of love. The thrill took me on rides I shouldn’t have even been on. It cost me heartache and broken relationships. Sis, often times it’s our flesh that tells us we NEED affection. We NEED someone to talk to . We NEED someone to tell us goodnight. We NEED to sacrifice time to spend with someone who really isn’t for us. We NEED someone to tell us they are proud of all we are doing. Maybe you want to hear it or maybe you don’t, but God is your answer. Sis, let God love on you. God, can hold your hand through any situation or circumstance. Most importantly, He’s proud to walk into a room with you.