Sis, it’s easy for me to go through all of the guys I’ve encountered throughout the years until I finally said yes to the Lord, but God reminded about a relationship I developed my sophomore year in college. Lust took its place in my life at a young age. No one taught me how to lust. I believe that’s why David said, “in sin did my mother conceive me.” I remember as a kid rewinding sex scenes in movies, because of how it made my body feel. Sis, welcome to the blog where I discuss the day I hooked up with porn.
I was introduced to porn by a friend in college and my eyes were immediately disgusted, yet I felt that feeling again. I thought to myself, ” You mean there’s a sight for just watching sex?” I was sheltered growing up, but I knew people who watched porn I just thought that wasn’t my cup of tea. I would just stick to rated “R” movies. Every time I watched it, I would feel dirty. Every time I watched it, I would ask myself, “Why do you get gratification from watching others have sex?” As I’m typing, I’m cringing at how much satisfaction I got from the videos.
Sis, everything in me started dying from the day I watched porn. Sis, I built a relationship with “pornhub” for 4 years. Not even counting that stuff I was doing as a youngblood in elementary school. Whenever I felt lonely, pornhub. Whenever I needed satisfaction, pornhub. Whenever I needed an escape, pornhub. I remember signing off my computer after clearing my history for the millionth time(haha) and my friend wanting to borrow my computer. My computer was charging and I tripped over the cord and my computer fell to the floor. Sis, the computer was smoking and wouldn’t even turn on. Coincidence you might say, but I say it was a red flag from the Lord that I needed to walk away from this toxic relationship.
Nothing felt satisfying anymore. Now porn was just something I felted I needed to do, but yet so eagerly wanted to stop. I didn’t like how I was feeling anymore. I felt ashamed. I would pretend to be someone in front of people, but behind closed doors I was someone else. I felt filthy. I began to wither and my life went downhill from there.
Sis, porn kills. It kills virtue. It kills purpose. It kills vision. It kills destiny.
Am I embarrassed to talk to you about this? No. Am I ashamed anymore? No. I’m changed. He changed me and I’ll never be the same. Those old things have passed away and all things are new in my life. I was filthy rags yet He gave me beauty for ashes. There’s no doubt He changed me from the inside out. He has freed me. My mind has been renewed. My sins have been forgiven. His love covers my sins. Yes, even the dirty ones. He loves me inspite of my past faults. I was still His chosen one, even when I was typing in pornhub.com. I was still His. I’ll always be His, sis. Always.
Freedom is YOURS. Being bound is a death trap. The enemy uses things like porn to kill out what God has put on the inside of you. I’m standing with you sis and God is too.