Anxiety

Sis, check this picture out. Let me know what you see in this picture? ‘She cute’ was your first thought huh? Ha. Do I appear happy? Did I present myself well? What if I told you I thought I was going to die that day? What if I told you I wanted to throw up on the drive to witness something special? What if I told you there was a small voice telling me I was going to faint? What if I told you I cried before I got ready? What if I told you I didn’t talk to my husband the whole morning, because I was stuck in my head the entire morning. What if I told you I almost cancelled and said I didn’t feel good, sorry I can’t come. Meet my ex anxiety. 

Anxiety took life from me. The world was beautiful, but I couldn’t see it because I was stuck in my head. I stopped living for a year. I cancelled plans. I always said I didn’t feel well. I thought about death every day. I cried constantly. I would sit by my bed side and just cry. Freedom was something I questioned. I knew God, but I really thought I would always be like this. I remember telling my husband I didn’t use to be like this. I use to be carefree. When will I be the old Brittany? When will I live again? When will I see myself the way God sees me? When will I think and believe I will live and not die to declare the goodness of God. When will I not check my pulse? When will I realize that it’s just a headache and not a tumor?

Sis, I stayed up tonight to let you know, it’s gonna happen. For you. God wants me to tell you, it’s gonna happen. You’re close. So close God stopped me on my busy Monday to sit down and write you. I know it’s hard to see, but you have to see before it happens. You have to believe it before it happens. I’m believing with you and for you! Fear is not your portion. Trust His plan. You’re not alone. You’re coming out. You don’t have to stay in that place of fear. In spite of what it looks like right now. It’s gonna happen. Your waiting is not in vein. You will prosper. I’m speaking to you sis. Remember the promises He made you. The bible says, those that wait upon the Lord, He will renew your strength! All the life the enemy as stolen from you.. all the happy moments you couldn’t experience, God will restore. God will make a way in the midst of the wilderness.

God says, Look I’m doing a new thing in your life, can you see it? Sis, see it. See yourself in fellowship with others. See  yourself planning with friends and showing up instead of cancelling. See yourself carefree. See yourself living. See yourself smiling. Take it one minute at a time. Celebrate who you are and who God created you to be. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re victorious. You’re not alone.

If you look to man next to me, give him a hand clap. He missed the rodeo last year, we had to give away Astros tickets, because I couldn’t face the world. He paid for the countless doctor’s appointments. He prayed me through the moments I thought I couldn’t go another day. He pushed me to not stop. He gave me tough love. He didn’t understand anxiety, but asked God to show him how to love me through the moments. He saw victory when I saw defeat. He told me I wouldn’t be like this forever. He told my freedom was close. He laid with me when I didn’t even feel comfortable in my own skin.

It happened for me sis. I’m living. As tears flow from my face, I’m living. I see the beautiful days. I talk to my husband more than I ever have. I don’t shake anymore. My joy is back. My laugh is back. I’m not that girl in the picture. I know I may look like her, but she was scared little girl. Fear is underneath my feet now. Those thoughts that kept me from living are gone.

I’m believing for you sis. I really am. My freedom came from the presence of God. Through constant prayer and being in His presence. God is not a respecter of person. If He did it for me, He’s got you too. Let me pray for you sis.

Dear Heavenly Father, 

I thank you. For it all. I thank you. God I lift up my sister to you. God your word says to be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let you requests be made know to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. God as we surrender anxiety to you tonight, we are reassured that peace is our portion. You didn’t give us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. God we thank you for the sound mind. We thank you for rest. We thank you for giving my sister energy. I thank you as my sister waits for her freedom, you are strengthening her. We trust you Lord. I trust you Lord that what you did for me, you will do for my sister too. 

In Jesus name we pray, 

Amen 

SIS, IT’S GONNA HAPPEN.

You will live.

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