lover of my soul 2

Sis, when I first sat down at the computer my mind was blank. I went for a walk with my husband and said I really don’t want to force anything with my sister. You see I want to only give you want God wants for you. That is my heart.

As I was walking and looking around, my mind went directly to the Father. I told Him that I loved Him more than words could describe. My life played before me and my eyes began to water. I asked God how did He manage to get me from there to here? How did He trade my ashes for beauty? Who am I, that He would be mindful of me?

Sis, can I talk to you about my relationship with God? It still amazes me that I am His friend. God calls me friend. I have to admit my relationship hasn’t always been the way it is now, but I’m thankful for the process. Sis, as any relationship I found out who God was and is in my life. Of course, there is still so much to learn, but I’ve enjoyed getting to know my Father. I can’t talk about Him without tears. I can’t say His name without smiling. He walks with me. He talks with me. He calls me His own.

Sis, as I look back on my life, I see Him in every situation. The situation may have blurred my vision, but He was there. My situation often times covered Him. My relationships x’ed him out. My attitude kept him at a distance. My insecurity kept me from loving him. My selfishness allowed me to live a limited life. Can you pass me a tissue? No, but seriously do you have a tissue? He’s been there even when I didn’t want Him. He was there when I thought I could do life without Him. He was there when I wanted nothing to do with Him. He waited for me. Sis, He is waiting for you.

I think back to the moment I fully surrendered to God. I was at a Tuesday night bible study. We were talking about what it looks like to give God your all. What surrender meant and what it looked like. At that moment, my ex texted me. I had a decision to make in that moment. Would I remain in neutral with God? Would I just put the car in park and get out and keep on with this life I was living? Would I put this car in drive and move forward with God? My pastor asked if anyone wanted to share. I raised my hand, so nervous sis. I told him that I had been luke warm for a long time. I was making a decision to surrender my life and let go. I wanted to give God all of me. Sis, I wanted Him to fill the areas the world destroyed in me. The places I hurt. The deep places.

Sis, I wanted Him to pour himself out to me. I didn’t know what that looked like. Am I weird for saying that out loud? Probably, but who the heck cares. Freedom is my portion. Freedom is your portion. I made up in my mind, I would stay in His presence as long as it takes to gain freedom in my heart. I’ll stay in His presence until I can love myself again. I’ll stay in His presence long enough for my attitude to change. I’ll stay in His presence long enough to drown my insecurities. I just wanted to be with Him.

He is my savior and He is my Lord. You may not understand it all sis. Maybe you do. God is the realest person in my life. He is joy. He is love. He is peace. He was everything I wanted. He is humor. He is so delightful. He is good. He is kind. He is compassionate. He is caring. He is patient. He is mine and I am His. Sis, walking with God changed my whole life. Partnering up with Him gave me life. I’m not even sure words could describe my heart for Him, but He knows my name. He knows yours too.

Maybe you were me and you’re in neutral with God. You know him, but you’re not really moving forward and you’re not really going backwards either. Maybe you want more just don’t know how to get there. Maybe you want to move forward, but the past holds you captive. Maybe you crave more, but you’re not sure how people will perceive you.

Sis, let me pray for you.

Dear God, 

I lift my sister up to you this day. God I thank you for her life. God I thank you that you know her every thought. You know when she wakes up and when she goes to sleep. God I thank you for creating my sister. I thank you for giving her life. I thank you that this day she make a choice to move forward in her relationship with you. God I thank you that you would show yourself to her the way you showed yourself to me. God, your thoughts towards my sister are of good and not of evil. God you want the best for her. God she’s the apple of your eye. So God I’m thanking you that my sister will delight herself in you. Thank you for never leaving her nor forsaking her. God I thank you for being an ever present help in time of trouble. God, do it for my sister. I thank you in advance! 

Amen

 

Sis, I’m cheering you on. Link up of with God. Put your car in drive and enjoy the ride. I promise it’s worth it. I know is smiling down at you. He’s proud of you and so am I.

Love,

His Beloved

 

 

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