Sis, Its been one of those days where I looked in the mirror and I’m wondering why no one brought up the fact that my bun is LITERALLY ON TOP OF MY HEAD. I think it speaks for the week. I’ve decided to be vulnerable and more open about my life. If that’s cool with you? I usually speak of past things, but what about the present? What about what I go through now? What about when I put on a work shirt and reached to grab a hanger and the shirt ripped? What about when I pulled up my pants today at the nail salon(side note- I love pedicures) and my legs were not shaved for the 50 millionth time and yes, I had those little hairs on my big toe.
LIKE GET YOURSELF TOGETHER B.
Sis, be honest. Do you talk to yourself? I always do. I’ve done it since I was a little girl. It’s how I map out my thoughts and feelings. I mean obviously it’s in my head. LOL. Well, sometimes my face will react to what I’m saying in my head, and my husband will be like did you say something? Like dang boy get out my thoughts! Sometimes my thoughts are me being critical of myself. Do you have those? Like I’m beating myself because I don’t look like someone, or my contour isn’t as good as the girl on Insta with 156k followers. What about those Pinterest pics with the Bible all pretty and the puro coffee y flowers y todo?! What about the gym selfie a girl just posted and now you’re stocking her page, because you’re trying to figure out the quickest way to lose weight.
I’m constantly telling myself, “don’t let me down.”
Britt, don’t fail. Don’t fall. Don’t mess it up. Don’t try that. You can’t do that. You won’t do that. I really don’t even need the enemy for this party, but I’m pretty much the party planner. People are going to let you down because we are all human, but I’m not sure why I’m so forgiving of others, yet I have to beat myself up for the dumbest things.
Walk with me for a second…
Have you ever caught yourself trying to be like someone else? You admired them maybe because of their wardrobe or they “seemed” to have it together so you started to mimic them…whether you realized it or not. I found myself shopping more. I assume to have better outfits than what I did. I’m not saying shopping is bad, but my intentions were to keep up with some “look” that Brittany felt she needed, because I didn’t want to let me down by looking like me. This bad habit didn’t get too far with Jonathan. Haha. He sat me down real quick and reminded me who I was is in God. Let’s give him a hand clap!
Speaking of the Father sis, have you heard of the secret place? Am I the only one who was trying to create a space like the one in the movie “War Room?” I tried sitting in my closet, but no thanks it’s too hot in there. And don’t search “secret place” on Pinterest. I’m like I would have to paint my walls a whole other color…ain’t no one got time for that! I felt I needed this ambiance to sit with the Lord. I needed candles. Worship music. YUUUS. The flowy white carpet that’s in every Pinterest post. A journal bible with all the coloring on the inside with calligraphy of what the Lord spoke to me that morning. (All of this is fly and if you do this sis, girl GO!) I’m saying this “scene” of a secret place was keeping me from just sitting with God. I felt like I was letting myself and God down, because my space wasn’t very presentable. When I type this out, WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN? It’s really silly how the enemy can trick you into thinking you’re a let down. For now, I’m in an empty room with boxes in it and on the floor in a blanket. If I could tell you the time we have in that no designed room. It’s beautiful.
I’ve realized it’s not the big things anymore. It’s the small stuff. I was speaking to Birth Giver the other morning and she said, ” I told the enemy to SHUT UP! If you know my mom and if you know me, it hurts that I can’t impersonate her voice through blogging. If you know her, she does. not. play. at. all. Sis, sometimes you have to tell yourself to hush. You’re not a failure, because God’s not. Will you make mistakes? Yes. Do those mistakes define your destiny? No. There is beauty in being the authentic you and once you see you, you won’t worry about letting yourself down.
You’re a great mother. You’re a great wife. You’re a great sister. You’re a great girlfriend. You’re a great friend. You’re a great co-worker. You’re a great daughter. You’re a great grandmother. You’re great.
You’re not a let down. You’re not a let down.
You are not a let down.