The last year of my twenties. 29. It’s a tad bit hard to swallow sis, if I may be honest. I do feel however it is important to mark these moments in life. Sis, I have this vision of my daughter opening up my link and getting lost in the words of her mother. This is a way to leave a piece of my heart with her. She will know that I’m not perfect, but my desire is to please the Father. She will see my flaws as well as my strengths. She will resonate with the struggles, and yet see a way to alter her state of mind. She will know she is an overcomer, because it runs in her blood. She will know true love based on the words I have written to her father. She will know she is loved, not only by me, but by her Father which is in Heaven.
Brittany’s Boulevard- A Lane of Truth is for you sis, but also for my daughter…
I’ve seen the hand of God move in my twenties like never before. I made a decision at 23 to look forward. To ignore my ex’s text and pay attention in Bible Study. To stop giving my attention to people who weren’t moving forward. To accept not everyone will like me. To understand my sins were thrown into the sea of forgetfulness and God remembers them no more. To give the next part of my life to God. To trust in all His ways. To offer my time to Him. Was it difficult? Oh, yes. girl. How could I give up a love I didn’t think I’d ever experience again? How could I give up pleasure of sin?What do you mean I’ll have to give up pornography? What do you mean I’ll give up drinking? How come people don’t like me? What do you mean you want me to leave the college in Missouri to move back home for college and for the school to take away half of my hours? What do you mean I won’t get a job right after I graduate college? What do you mean I’ll work 5 jobs just to live? What do you mean there will be lonely nights?
Like. What. DO. YOU. Mean?
My twenties brought about a lot of uncertainties. My twenties started so rough. I couldn’t see how God could turn it around for me. My early twenties were the toughest years of my life. I took myself through a lot of embarrassment. I yearned for love and acceptance. I was in love with the world and it was offering me crumbs. I swallowed my pain away in alcohol. I lashed out in anger. I embarrassed others. I belittled. I provoked lust. I was ashamed of myself, but I was so deep in a hole I couldn’t find a way out. To be honest, I couldn’t see what life would look like if I climbed out so I stayed. That sums up half of my twenties, I stayed. I stayed in relationships I shouldn’t have. I stayed in friendships I shouldn’t have. I stayed in drama I shouldn’t have. I stayed at the party I shouldn’t have.
I stayed sis… in mess. So much so I thought life would always look the way it did.
The Present: I’m different and my life reflects the difference in me.
Bible says, “Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in Heaven.”(Matthew 5:16)
When I found out that this life is not mine, but God’s. My whole world changed.
When I look at myself in the mirror at 29, I see God’s goodness. His faithfulness. His loyalty to me. His enduring love. His patience. His promises fulfilled in my life. All of this is for Him. All I do is for Him. For His glory and honor of His name. I found no greater joy placing my life into His hands. This is for you Jesus. I apologize for trying to write my story. I know some of the pages are torn. I know some of the pages are dark. I know some pages I’m ashamed of. There are pages of hurt. There are pages I ripped out because I didn’t want anyone to know. But I’m returning the book back into your library and when I went to the counter you said, “I’ve paid your debt, in full.”
I see 29 not because of anything I did, but everything God did. I look back at my twenties and I look up at God. He did it. He made ways out of no ways. He honored his promises to me. He heard every prayer. I’m in the waiting room for some prayers still, but I know my God is faithful and just to do what He says He will. He has not failed me. I chose to stay in mess, but now I choose to stay in the presence of God. To stay hand in hand with God.
I choose to stay with the one who perfected my story and turned it around for my good.
29, I’m ready for ya…