Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. (Proverbs 3:5–6)
As I was praying one night, my body literally began to lean to the left side. When I did that unintentionally, my mind went to this very scripture. God was showing me physically what I was doing spiritually. Leaning. Leaning on my perception of what life should look like. My perception of what certain situations should look like. My perception of what things should look like concerning my family. I was leaning on my own understanding. What I knew. My own intellect.
My “understanding” is so limited. My understanding is often based off of my own experience and what is happening around me. A lot of things that cause me so much of my anxiety, fear, worry, and frustration with others, and sometimes with God, is a result of leaning on my own understanding.
When I think about my understanding, I think about mistakes I’ve made. I think about going back to a toxic relationship. I think about how being alone wasn’t an option. I think about outburst I’ve made and things I’ve said to people that clearly were not Godly. I think about the disrespect toward my parents. I think about the lack of care in my education. The one that really gets me is how I leaned on my own understanding about MYSELF! Like because I had this “understanding” about myself I limited myself and made conclusions based primarily on my own perceptions.
I leaned sis, because I didn’t trust God with my whole heart.
As I sit behind the computer right now I’m quickened to repent for the lack of trust even now. I’ve spent time and energy trying to rely on me, when scripture is telling me in all my ways acknowledge him, and he will direct my path.
When there is a strain in a friendship/relationship, God I’ll acknowledge you on what to do. When I’m not sure how God is going to heal my family member, God I will acknowledge you. Lord, I’m not sure what my future holds, but I’ll knowledge you and surely you will order my steps and my path.
Sis, I’ve learned a lot of things I try to get an understanding of at the end of the day I’m just like “this just isn’t making sense.” Like, I’m not meant to carry such burdens. I’m not meant to make sense of a life I didn’t create. He knows me better than myself. He is the author and finisher of my faith, clearly He is wiser.
God, I thank you for my sister. I thank you for her life. Lord, I pray that whatever is troubling her, whatever situation isn’t making sense, I pray that she would trust you with all of her heart. I pray she wouldn’t lean to her own understanding but acknowledge you and surely you will direct her path. You’re the way maker and provider. You are our wise counselor. Show her Lord, lead and guide her in the paths of righteousness for your name’s sake. Amen.