My ex broke up with me a week before Valentine’s Day. I immediately thought, what the heck am I going to do? Who will be his Valentine? Great! I’m not getting a gift. The fact was I was ALONE and AFRAID.
Alone didn’t fit in my vocabulary. I was checking his Facebook through my friends Facebook to check his status’s and make sure he wasn’t asking anyone else out. I was showing up to the bars and letting the girls, that he was flirting with, know that I was no one to mess with, they better leave him alone. One girl said that’s the reason I haven’t pursued him. HAHA. Every night though, I came home alone.
Being alone for me just wasn’t what I was use to. I wanted a relationship. I craved love to the point where it didn’t matter who I received it from. I wasn’t okay with being by myself and unfortunately it would take me leaving the state he was in that I LEARNED how to be alone and being happy in the midst.
The Lord moved me from Missouri to Texas. I left so abruptly the day I left Missouri that I didn’t get to tell this guy bye. I cried and I cried as my mother insisted on taking me back so I could make amends. I told her no, I need to move on. I need to know what it’s like to not depend on someone. I need to know what it’s like to be alone. I became so dependent on someone that I forgot me. I forgot how to function alone. I forgot who I was before I met him.
It would take 3 years before he was fully out of my system. Through the process of forgetting him, I just replaced him with others. Knowing good and well it wasn’t what I wanted, but it helped the void in my heart momentarily. The whole reason God moved me to Texas was to begin a new work in me, but yet I was fighting the process. I knew what it was going to take to be alone. I knew what it was going to take to love myself again and quite honestly the work just seemed too much.
Let me say this while I’m here… I wasn’t important to me, yet I wanted to be important to him. That wasn’t going to work. I had to become important to me. One night at a Bible study I was sitting half way listening…and I saw my phone light up. I looked down and saw his number, because lets be honest I deleted him from my phone thinking it would delete him from my life, but I knew his number by heart. SMH. My stomach began to feel funny….I was nervous. I then heard a voice, and it was God. He said, “you choose.” I had a decision to make in a matter of minutes. Either I would go back to a place I had already been for years, or I could delete the message and learn to be alone. I leaned over to my purse…deleted his text message and moved on with my life.
I sat up straight in my chair and I never looked back. I wanted God. I chose Him that very day. I chose His love. I chose me. I chose to understand my importance and to know it is okay to be alone, because truth be told, you’re never alone. God will never leave you nor forsake you. He is with you always.
Remember when I said he broke up with me before Valentine’s day, well I bet you’re wondering what I did. I went to Chipotle. As silly as it sounds, Chipotle was apart of my single life. That night would be the first of many days and nights where I would go sit by myself and take myself out on a date. I would go to the movies by myself. NO shame in my game baby. I learned to love myself and do things I enjoyed! I learned to love God and trust him with my life. He was the best relationship I gained throughout this whole process. I learned it’s okay to be alone. I wasn’t afraid to be single anymore. I embraced it, because I loved myself and knew God loved me. I didn’t feel insecure being around other couples. I clapped for others getting engaged.
5 years went on before I stepped into a restaurant and laid eyes on my forever Chipotle date. Crazy thing is I would have never met him, if I was too scared to be single. I would have missed him wasting my time on counterfeits.
SO here is to the guy who made the best decision of his life! Chipotle, you hold a soft place in my heart…I’ll always pay extra for the guac. In honor of being dumped a week before Valentine’s Day…LET’S DO A GIVEAWAY! Check out my latest Instagram post for details.
Sis, don’t be afraid to be alone…embrace the stillness. Become important to you, because you matter to God.