Before I step foot into the hospital this upcoming week to give birth to the gift God has given us, I wanted to remind myself of the journey. I wanted to stop and thank God for what He has done. I wanted to take a minute and share my thoughts on this journey of pregnancy.
My hospital bags have been packed due to doctor’s orders and thinking she was going to have to induce me at 38 weeks. The carseat is ready. The nursery is ready. The clothes are washed and ready. All I keep hearing is, Are you ready Brittany?
Turns out I’m not ready yet…there’s one last thing. Weirdly, it’s this. It’s telling the Lord, you are good. It’s letting Jeremiah know, he helped me turn “I can’t” to “I can”. It’s letting Jonathan know, I appreciate his heart throughout this whole process.
I can’t go another day without sitting with the Lord and telling him thank you. When I look back at my life, I realize just how sovereign the Lord has been. He has been the one constant friend. He was there when I laid at the alter weeping for a child. He was there when I got a million negative pregnancy tests. He was there when they told me I’d have a hard time having children. He was there. He has always been there. He is truly good. Not because He gave me what I wanted, but because even when I didn’t have what I wanted, He was still present. He never left my side. It took one touch from Him and my whole life changed. He truly just keeps getting better. The Lord is faithful and truly I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. My life will continue to be wrapped up in Him. He’s the one my heart longs for. He’s the one I adore. He’s the one that has given me life and a beautiful one at that. Lord, thank you. Thank you for doing for me what I couldn’t do for myself. Thank you for blessing us with a family. When Jonathan and I took our engagement photos, I always saw a little boy in the pictures. I never said anything, but I knew I would raise a son. You saw it with me. You believed with me. You didn’t ask me when I was going to have children. You didn’t rush the process. You didn’t say I was too old to have children. You didn’t say time is ticking. You said, beloved your child will come, be patient.
Jeremiah, you’re the sweetest boy in the world. I’m not sure how I know that already, but I know your heart is kind. To know God created you just for your dad and I, my heart swells with gratitude. One thing I desire is for you to dwell in the presence of God. I pray your posture is to always lay at the feet of God. I pray you love the Lord with all your heart. I pray you smile always. I pray you weep before the Lord, because of his goodness. You have been the best part of me. The best experience. For years Jeremiah, I was scared to even live in my own body, and I always told myself I couldn’t never be pregnant for 9 months. When I found out I was pregnant with you, I was so anxious that day. I just really believed I couldn’t do it. Here we are together at 9 months, and you have shown me that I can do it. We did it together with the help of the Lord. Even with so much unknown, carrying you has brought so much peace. You are loved by God and all that you are, God is already proud. I’m proud. Your father is proud. Jeremiah 1:5 says that before you were in me, God chose YOU, before you are even born, you are set apart. I love you and I don’t even know you yet. It’s crazy. All that I am, all that your dad is, and all that the Lord is, is beautifully stitched on the inside of you. There is no doubt, you are great.
Jonathan, my heart floods with love when I think about you. You are the definition of love. You are the biggest supporter and fan of mine. You are my heart and the very thing that makes me smile. Thank you for not giving up in this process. Thank you for continually holding my hand. Thank you for being my voice of reason. Thank you for allowing me to express my concerns and fears. Thank you for not leaving me alone when my emotions got the best of me. Thank you for loving me the way Christ loves the church. Thank you for always leading me back to the word of God. I am so proud of you and don’t think for a second my love doesn’t continue to grow for you. You are the best of the best and I’m thankful to call you my husband. My life hasn’t been the same since I’ve met you. You have this way of making people smile without even trying. You are going to be the best father to Jeremiah. I’ve seen you endure. I’ve seen your tears. I’ve seen your heart towards the Father. You’re so wonderful Jonathan. There isn’t anyone I’d rather be with in that hospital room(other than Jesus lol) coaching me! I love that I am loved by you. We will be parents this week and t’s surreal to think about, but I want you to know…I won’t forget you. Maybe you’ll only understand that. It’s bittersweet to know it won’t be just us two anymore, but I know Jeremiah is going to be a character just like you! Lol! So here’s to yet another beginning of your story. A new chapter. A chapter that’s been written yet I have no clue what the pages say. Lol. I just know the title is “Jeremiah Ray Davila.” That’s beautiful enough and enough words for me.
This blog wasn’t even for everyone as I sit back and typed. Its for the 3 main men in my life. It’s to express gratitude in this moment. It’s to vocalize what’s been on my heart for months/weeks. It’s just to say thank you. Now that the one thing is done, I’m going to embrace Jonathan, embrace Jeremiah’s last days being inside of me, and lift my hands in worship to the God who made all this possible.
Beloved if you didn’t get anything out of this, I pray you show gratitude to the people who have helped you get to where you are now. Life is but a vapor and it doesn’t take much just to call someone or text someone, that you are thankful for them. I challenge you to reach out to those who have been a help in your life and say thank you.
Love, His Beloved